prognosis (a found poem)

Biological birth is a definitive act
whereby the infant organism is precipitated into the world.
The individual in the ordinary circumstances of living
may feel more unreal than real
more dead than alive; precariously differentiated
from the rest of the world.

The individual feels that, like
the vacuum, he is empty. But this emptiness is him.
a particular form of terror,

Random religious awakening?
I draw sigils on my face
I truly believe I am an angel
I like to drop in wishes for my suffering or struggles to disappear.

lanzapine, risperidone, haloperidol and thiothixene
Remember that the doctor has judged that the benefit to you is greater
than the risk of side effects.
The ‘magical’ act whereby one may attempt to turn someone
else into stone, by ‘petrifying’ him;

fluoxetine, pergolide, dithydrexidine
abnormalities in the brain's memory storage, déjà vu
I like to drop in wishes for my suffering or struggles to disappear.

and, by extension, the act
whereby one negates the other person’s autonomy,
ignores
his feelings,
  The magic is gone and everything feels flat.
regards him
as a thing,
  Glaring lights at night trigger a similar sort of feeling in me.
kills
the life in him.

Sense of strangeness and nonbeing; overtly drab,
sluggish, inexpressive; internally bland,
barren, indifferent, and insensitive;
obscured, vague, and tangential
self as partially divorced from his body.

“ontologically insecure”


The possibility of turning,
or being turned, from a live person into
a dead thing, into a stone, into a robot,
an automaton

i'm tired of breathing,
but not as a connotation for suicide,
Feeling like the world is becoming less real by the day.

Ever since I was small
I would sometimes stare into
my own eyes in mirrors.

He may lack the experience of his own temporal
continuity. He may not possess an over-riding sense of personal
consistency or cohesiveness. He may feel
more insubstantial than substantial, and unable to assume that
the stuff he is made of is
genuine, good, valuable.
And he may feel his self as partially
divorced from his body.

does anyone else feel fake?

sometimes i feel like i didn’t live through any of my memories before a year ago. as if i was just placed on this planet, in this location, with this family, and with these friends.
This, and also the sudden awareness that I'm experiencing sentience.

Yesterday I just stood there
staring
Reality feels too thin
Now I’m afraid to sleep.

I like to drop in wishes for my suffering or struggles to disappear.